RELATIONSHIPS MADE EASIER/TIPS FROM THE TOP

Barry Neil Kaufman Co-Founder/Co-Director of The Option

Institute™ offers quick tips to having a more successful relationship based on his nurturing over 45-year relationship with his wife/partner/best friend.

 

"Our relationship wasn’t always easy. We struggled for years until we adopted a few simple principles and took ownership for our own personal ‘stuff.’"

 

Principles adopted:

- She doesn't make me happy; I don't make her happy. We're each in charge of our own happiness and unhappiness. (Taking ownership for my feelings was the end of "blame.")

 

- We both want to be happy, loved, and loving, even when one of us is annoyed, impatient, short-tempered or withdrawn. (My lover was no longer my enemy, but like me, at times confused and uncomfortable).

 

- I am always doing exactly what I want when I do something for my partner—make a meal, take out the garbage, clean up the counter, visit my in-laws. (I choose my actions. I am not a victim; I never was).

 

- Know that no matter what, I will be OK. (I am enough and will always be enough—the end of "neediness.")

 

- The experience of love is not based on the outcome of my caring and affection, but based on the feeling I give myself when I love you.(In order to love you, I have to fill myself with love first. If you love me back, that's just a bonus.)

 

Then we learned the "art of happy negotiation." Here are 5 out of 10 tips that you can use right now to move through conflict and toward resolution more easily and happily.

 

1) We can negotiate anything (nothing is taboo or pre-judged—we put everything on the table).

 

2) There are no good or bad wants—just wants (we don't judge what the other wants; we listen).

 

3) We agree to eliminate unhappy forms of negotiation in

advance (no complaining, whining, anger, guilt-trips or ultimatums).

 

4) We are each very specific about what we want (not “be nice to me," but "I want to spend at least an hour every evening sharing our thoughts and feelings, maybe while going for a walk).

 

5) We each are prepared to offer something of value to the

other in exchange for what we want (if you walk the dog, I'll

clean up the grill, or if you go dancing with me, I'll go to a football game with you).

 

Print this out and discuss it with your significant other, or pass it on to those you love. Remember, improving the quality of your relationships begins with changing your attitudes or perspectives, making new agreements on how you want to be, and then taking action. My relationship with my wife didn't just get better—we made it better!

 

Instead of making our relationship the 6th most important thing in our lives (after taking care of the kids, the house, the chores, our careers, etc.), we decided to make taking care of our relationship the #1 item in our lives. In effect, this was the best way to take care of ourselves.

 

What a smart move—what a blessing. Once we did that, taking care of the kids, the house, our chores, our careers, etc. became much more joyful. It is never too late to have a great relationship!

 

With love and smiles, Bears (Barry Neil Kaufman),

Co-Founder/Co-Director of The Option Institute

 

Her er en inspirations video om tips til at forbedre dit parforhold. Ideerne og principperne er geniale! "Bears" som du ser nedenfor er en af mine personlige undervisere gennem 10 år.

 

  

 

   Ring og hør mere på 4055 1004 eller skriv niels@optionpower.org

 

   Tilbage til forrige side